The hilarious Autocomplete Me finds autocomplete suggestions which Google offers which are a bit odd. But they can sometimes be deep.
This sums up where I’m at with Jesus at the moment:
23 Oct 09
A Fractured And Strained Something
A friend asked me recently how I was doing with “the big JC?” I replied that I didn’t think he was very big at the moment!
He went on to ask me whether I still considered myself a Christian. My answer was that it depended how you defined what a Christian is.
If you’re definition is that a Christian is someone who has a relationship with God, or Jesus, then yes, I think I would say I was still a Christian. I do think that I have a relationship with Jesus, though it is very fractured and strained right now. But the fact that “it” feels fractured and strained means that there is something there.
Am I living in the Spirit and only doing what I see the Father doing? No. But my thinking and actions are still shaped bythe values I have adopted as a result of my Christian upbringing and own faith journey over the years.
I do want to have a better relationship with Jesus one day, and sometimes I feel paniced when I don’t feel it progressing. But most times I don’t feel in any hurry.
2 Sep 09
Amy’s Playlist
I had a bit of a semi-sabbatical time over April, May and June this year. One of the reasons for the time off was to work through the grief I haven’t had time to process before. I decided before the semi-sabbatical to create a playlist of songs which remind me of Amy:
Miracle Foo Fighters, In Your Honour
Stop This Train John Mayer, Continuum
For Every Tear You Cry Aaron Frith
10,000 Stones Adrianne
Daughters John Mayer, Heavier Things
Learn To Live With What You Are Ben Folds, Sunnysuperspeedgraphic
Canonball Damien Rice, O
Dreaming With A Broken Heart John Mayer, Continuum
Georgia The District, The District
To Make You Feel My Love Mick McAuley & Winifred Horan, Serenade
Ever After You (Live) The Gabe Dixon Band, Live At World Cafe
Agnus Dei Rufus Wainwright, Want
The Longing Eels, Hombre Lobo
2 Sep 09
No Time To Read
Being a dad (obviously) involves sacrifice. One thing I realised recently that I’ve sacrificed is reading. I enjoy reading and there is so much I want to read right now. I’m actually in the middle of a number of books as you can see from my Shelfari Bookshelf.
I just don’t have the time for reading books anymore and I feel frustrated about that. My time is taken up with Toby, and if he’s in bed, spending time with Mary-Lou or sleeping – all wonderful things I wouldn’t swap!
I used to have subscriptions to National Geographic, New Scientist and Ethical Consumer but stopped renewing them over the last year because I wasn’t able to read them in time before the next magazine arrived.
I have trays in my bedside table to organise the things I am reading, want to read and have read which need to be put back on a shelf, but we are moving the trays to the kitchen for filing bills etc. because I just don’t use them anymore because I’m not reading anything.
That’s not entirely true, I am reading things on my iPhone, mainly tweets and some interesting pages they link to, but this does not take alot of time. My reading has become bite-sized, and I don’t like that. I like a meaty read which makes me think and learn and change opinions. Twitter rarely does this!
So I’ve resigned myself to the idea that I just can’t read a book anymore. If ever I find time on a holiday or something, that will be lovely, and it will have to be a brilliant read. So please feel free to recommend a book or two in the comments below!
28 Jul 09
Digital Spirituality?
A couple of weeks ago I attended the Christianity and the Digital Space symposium in Durham through my work on ChurchMCR.
One of the “conversation strands” I went to was about spirituality and the digital space and the conversation helped me crystalise some things have struck me over the last couple of years about how many online values or philosophies tie up very closely with what I see as Kingdom ideas, but most of these are opposed to church or christian culture.
User Generated Content (UGC)
One of the big explosions online has been the rise of UGC. Wikipedia is the shining example, but countless websites including Twitter, Facebook and MySpace rely on UGC to create their value.
The overarching idea behing UGC is that everyone has something to say or show or share. Whether they do or not is up to them, but the assupmtion is that we all have something to say or show or share. On top of this, online we all have equal opportunities to say or show or share stuff. We can all upload a video to YouTube, or start a blog for free or comment on news stories.
Compare this with many church meetings. The tacit suggestion in a Church service is that the guy (male, mostly) at the front is the only one with something meaningful to say or show or share, so he does and everyone else listens without opportunity to say or show or share what they might choose. The growth of Home Groups or Cell Groups in recent decades has provided slightly more opportunity to say or show or share with one another, but, I’d suggest, not much.
Yet I see this idea – that everyone has something to say or show or share – as a very Kingdom idea. It affirms the value, uniqueness and divine in each person. There is a Bible verse somewhere which suggests each person should bring something to share when they meet, but I don’t remember where it is – anyone know?!
And the idea that we should all be given equal opportunity to say or show or share something seems to be something God instituted when he tore the temple curtain when Jesus died. So, in an online order, I think it’s worth discovering a way that we each have equal opportunity to share with one another.
Wisdom of the Crowds
The simple idea behind this phrase is that the many know more than the few. I read a fascinating book on this called “The Wisdom of Crowds” which I highly recommend: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Wisdom-Crowds-Many-Smarter-Than/dp/0349116059/ The book suggests that in most cases, the more people you can get, and the more diverse they are, the better decisions or judgements they make.
The big example here is Wikipedia. There is more information there than any one person knows and the vast majority of it is extremely accurate. A couple of years ago, I wondered what a Wiki might produce if it was edited by a large number of Christians from all denominations and Worldviews. If we all share the mind of Christ, what content would emerge on this wiki, and would we see that as Truth?
God has created us all different yet we are all made in the image of God. So surely, the larger and more diverse a crowd is, the more of God they represent or show, right? Perhaps this is an aspect of christian spirituality which an online order could encourage and facilitate, in whatever ways that may take.
Discovery
The internet has made data and information more discoverable than it ever was. The majority of internet users use it for 2 things, email and search – searching to discover something.
The Church (globally) has a very strong history of covering things up and keeping information from the masses. That is one of the main reasons for the Reformation, some people wanted the Bible in their own language, but the Church demanded it only be produced in Latin which only the priest could read. It was about holding onto power (and money) and it made it impossible for the lay-person to discover God through his written word.
Jesus’ death and resurrection allows us to discover God personally and because He is so big and complex we can continue discovering Him all our lives. In fact, we ought never stop discovering Him and we can discover Him in many ways. Some of these ways are through relationships and some are through gathering information.
The internet allows us access to enormous amounts of information, stories, ideas, worldviews, theories, etc in many different formats, written word, audio, images, video, etc. Perhaps the ease of discovery and quantity of information to be discovered is something an online order could celebrate.
Collaboration
Let’s face it, Christians aren’t very good at working together! Wikipedia suggests that collaboration is “where two or more people or organizations work together in an intersection of common goals”. Christians, regardless of denomination share vast amounts of common goals and beliefs, but still do their own thing as groups, or congregations.
The internet makes it easier to collaborate and makes the process easier. Again, Wikipedia is a fine example and Google’s search engine now lets users promote or remove search results thereby making their search engine ever more accurate for subsequent users. LastFM is another example where the service gets better as people collaborate by adding more information about songs, artists, labels etc. And of course increasingly popular services like Basecamp and Google Groups help people collaborate on projects or ideas by sharing information and easing communication.
Of course the largest concerted collaborative efforts are the Open Source software groups. These teams use their programming, design, technology and management knowledge for free to create software which is free. The most well known Open Source projects include OpenOffice, FireFox and Linux Operating System – and it is collaboration which bought them into being.
An online monastic order should encourage collaboration, not just on social justice projects, but on spiritual discovery, discipleship, theology, and it’s services (both services and Services!).
Decentralisation
It has been said that in terms of economics, the internet has changed the world from a handful of markets made of millions of people to millions of markets made of handfuls of people. The internet has massively decentralised resources, information, ideas and even truth.
The Church has historically been, and still is a very centralised institution. Ideas such as authority, accountability, leadership, tithing and more have become centralised in their practices in the Church. But the centralised practice of these ideas has been massively challenged by the internet which allows these ideas to flourish and work effectively, often much better, in a decentralised manner.
The majority of the Old Testament shows God engaging with man in a very centralised manner, through Kings, Judges or Prophets. Jesus’ resurrection and ascension made us a priesthood of all believers and His authority and power was given to each of us – it was a huge decentralisation. And it seems that God’s plan to redeem us and his creation will only happen through his many people obeying in different ways in different circumstances and cultures around the world, rather than a centralised institution of domination.
Most religious or monastic orders are centralised around the head, or founder, of the order. Would an online monastic order do the same or would it adopt decentralisation as much as possible in the belief that it is more effective and aligns with God’s plan and Kingdom?
More could be said about the culture of “Free” on the internet, the ease of communication in countless forms online, and how the internet has made mankind more efficient and productive (mainly!). But the points above seem to stick out in my mind.
11 Nov 08
Temporary Identity
It’s been 5 months since I last blogged here. I feel bad about not having blogged about alot of stuff I’ve thought over that time, but one of the things I’m learning is that most things are temporary, especially when you have a baby!
It was around 5 months ago that I had a bit of an identity crisis. The root of this clearly stem from losing my daughter Amy over 2 years ago, and coincided with my son Toby being born. His birth threw up a few things for me including who I am. I’m now Toby’s Dad, and I’m Amy’s grieving Dad. The joy and delight I have in Toby has left little emotional time to dwell on my grief and the tension between a grieving and joyful Dad has left me a bit confused.
It was around this time that I realised that I didn’t feel I belonged to the group of Christians I’ve known for the last 8 years. This was because after losing Amy, the dawning realisation that I had new and unique needs met a dawning realisation that these needs were not being met by this community of Christians I was part of. This group is fairly homogeneous since we all met at University and are of similar ages. Since we are all still young, and nobody had lost a child, we didn’t have any experience to know how to care for Mary-Lou and myself so we were were not able to be carried by the group. This wasn’t helped by not knowing myself how I could be helped. The pain and confusion of not having been carried by our Christian community left me feeling I didn’t belong.
So I began getting busy, not knowing at the time that I was searching for an identity, something I could point to and say “This is what Ben is about, this is what he does”. I started Guerrilla Gardening in Moss Side. I started helping a project collecting fruit from Manchester gardens to distribute to the poor and hungry. I got funding for a High Definition Camcorder to record Asylum Seekers telling their stories. I started a podcast exploring the implications of Shane Claiborne’s book “The Irresistible Revolution”. I became co-ordinator of my street’s Home Watch. I started planning the Parliament Protest. I got pretty busy all of a sudden and had less and less time for Mary-Lou and Toby.
In the end I gave some of that up, cut back on others, and finished the rest. I’m not as busy as I was (outside of work) and I’m looking forward to discovering routines and patterns (temporary of course) of time and activity with Mary-Lou and Toby.
I’ve not discovered my identity, I’m sure I’ll be figuring it out the rest of my life. But for now it feels good and proper that I rest and invest in the place I have as Mary-Lou’s husband and Amy and Toby’s Dad.
11 Jun 08
Conflicting Opportunities
Last night I had the pleasure of being taught about Conflict from a Christian perspective from my friend Laura Gilchrist. Click play below to listen to the talk yourself – I highly recommend you do, it was very insightful.
[audio:http://www.christianstruggle.com/podcast/LauraGilchrist_Conflict.mp3]
I recently saw a fight in London which I just watched. I didn’t go and try to stop it like other people did, I just stood there hoping that they would stop because people were looking.
After it finished I felt terrible and ashamed for not having done more to be a Peacemaker in that situation. I started thinking about my fear and cowardice in that and other situations.
It was refreshing to realise, during Laura’s session, that conflict mostly presents all sorts of positive opportunites. Opportunities for change, empathy, healing, intimacy, 3rd way thingking and more! I now feel much more hopeful about conflicts I may enter in the future and less fearful about engaging with it.
Towards the end of the session, as you will here in the MP3 above,Laura suggested 3 ways forward for us. We can get training on dealing with conflict, we can use or be facilitators or mediators, and we should oppose the myth of Redemptive Violence with stories of Redemptive Peace – an idea I think is really exciting.
We also talked about Non-Violent Direct Action, something I have been thinking about and subscribing to more and more, but that’s for a whole other post!
11 Jun 08
Toby Jacob Gibbs
It’s been a while.
And in that time Mary-Lou and I have had a son – Toby Jacob Gibbs – on April 1st! So that has been messing with the thoughts in my head and the desires of my heart.
Many other thoughts have also been going through my mind having read some interesting books, heard some challenging people and had some good chats.
I hope to be able to share them here more regularly from now on. I’ve still got alot to say and even more questions.
24 Mar 08
The Healthy And Pain-Full Body
I have now finished reading the book Where Is God When It Hurts and it has been very thought provoking. Although it deals largely with physical pain and things like terminal illness, it still helped me think through the pain of my grief in different ways.
The last section of the book is about what Christianity uniquely offers to those in pain. One of the things it talks about is how the concept of the Body Of Christ points to how Christians need to share and carry each others pain and suffering. Philip Yancey quotes a doctor called Paul Brand who says this about the human body:
Individual cells had to give up their autonomy and learn to suffer with one another before effective multicellular organisms could be produced and survive.
He suggests that the way in which cells in the body work should be the same way we humans work. The key to successful relationships lies in the sensation of pain.
In human society we are suffering because we do not suffer enough.
So much of the sorrow in the world is due to the selfishness of one living organism that simply doesn’t care when the next one suffers. In the body if one cell or group of cells grows and flourishes at the expense of the rest, we call it cancer and know that if it is allowed to spread the body is doomed And yet, the only alternative to the cancer is absolute loyalty of every cell to the body, the head.
I am struck that the image of the Body Of Christ is one which means we need to know and share each others pain for it to be healthy. Before reading this, I thought that it just meant we Christians ought to just get along and work together, but now I see a deeper and more meaningful application.
In my grief I have not felt that many share my pain. I know that many of my friends grieved the loss of Amy and have suffered because she is not here. And sometimes I don’t want to spend time grieving with my friends, I’d rather have fun! I know that they haven’t a clue how I feel, and that they couldn’t know how I feel unless they lost their daughter. But I also know that I would feel carried and less isolated if friends asked more often and gave me time and space to answer honestly and to grieve in their presence.
Philip Yancey goes on to point out the we Christians are Christ in this suffering world and should respond to those suffering or in pain with love, tenderness, and by sharing their pain and sorrows. He says his response to the question “Where is God when it hurts?” would be another question: “Where is the Church when it hurts?”
Often the Church is looking the other way, focussing on the personal gain of the Gospel, avoiding the questions surrounding pain and suffering and therefore avoiding those who hurt and struggle.
21 Mar 08
I Am Power Hungry
I could never had said that before 2 weeks ago, but last week it all changed.
In my work among skateboarders in Manchester I have learned alot about how Manchester is ruled and who the “power players” are. Manchester is pretty much run by The 5 Fathers Of Manchester, 5 men who lead and run the City Council. The undue influence these men have and the thwarting of democracy around them makes me angry.
I was telling a friend of my frustrations in not being able to find any christians who know any of the information I know, let alone any who cared enough to want to change it or research it more. But my friend did know of some and pointed me to this conference I attended last week.
The way I see many things has changed considerably due to this conference and what was taught. One of the first things we learned was to desire power. Now this felt very uncomfortable to begin with. Infact, I believed that theologically we were to avoid power at all costs and serve selflessly instead. This was probably because I have seen those in power abuse it. But then I discovered what power really is.
The primary meaning of the word POWER is “the ability to act or make a difference”.
Now if that is what power is, than I want as much as I can get because there are so many things that need to be made different (better) in this world and I want to help make these changes. I’m talking about making things better for the poor, isolated, oppressed, hurt and dying.
There is huge inequality both economically and socially in Manchester alone, and far greater inequality globally. I see no other Christian response than to do all I can to change this.
And to make a difference, I need power, and lot’s of it!